What have I done? Have I completely lost my mind? These are questions I have asked myself over and over in the last few months, since I first officially decided to quit my job and go travel the world for a year, hopefully more. Even now, as I sit in a hotel room near Charles de Gaulle airport, waiting to board the last leg of my trip to Nairobi, which has already been delayed (classic) I am equal parts excited and nervous. Constantly asking myself: did I make the right decision?

So, I guess let’s take it back to where this idea first took root: 2012. I was fresh off 6 months of an epic adventure through Asia and wanted more. I wanted to go to all the places I possibly could. Because, like DARE taught us all those years ago (whether it’s aged well or not is another topic of discussion)- one little taste of any drug and you’re hooked for life. And you can’t convince me that travel isn’t its own kind of opiate. But I digress.

So, I was hooked and ready for more. Trouble was unless you fall into something extraordinary, travel aint free. This meant back to the work force I went, with my future year long RTW trip as the ultimate goal. But, before I knew it I was pulled into the rabbit hole that is corporate career growth. The girl who always imagined herself working hourly jobs while she tried to make it in the arts was suddenly moving into supervisor, then manager roles. Next thing I know I was someone people listened to and *gulp* respected. And let me tell you, the power and confidence that gives you is also pretty addicting. Little by little, as what so often happens when we get swept up by the day to day responsibilities in life, that dream fell to the background, left to wait until it was ready to re-emerge.

Cut-to last year. After everything that the world went through with Covid, I was finally ready for another adventure. Like so many others emerging from the constant fear, stress, and anxiety that comes with a pandemic, I was ready to check off some major bucket list items. Enter the Galapagos. I won’t get into just how awe-inspiring that trip was and why it should be on everyone’s list. That will be its own separate post one of these days. Instead, I will talk about one specific moment.

It was one of our last days on the 7 day small group cruise around the islands. Being someone who still suffers severely from FOMO (“fear of missing out” for those who don’t live in the world of acronyms), I had joined every hike and snorkel excursion they offered. But, in a very uncharacteristic moment, I decided to stay behind on this one. I had already seen so much and I was a bit exhausted if I’m being honest, so the idea of just chilling on the boat was too appealing to pass up.

It would be a couple of hours before the group returned so I did some pampering and then went up on the bow of the boat to attempt and do some reading. I got a few pages in, but the gentle sway from the waves was going to lead to some epic motion sickness. So, I put the book down and just looked out across the water. There were a couple of Frigatebirds in the distance, circling and diving. And as I watched them dance through the sky, listening to the gentle waves crash against the hull I honest to God started to cry. It was a moment that I only hope everyone gets to experience at least once in their lives. A moment where you feel complete. As if every step you have taken along your journey has led you to this minute of absolute peace and contentment. And it was then, right then that the desire I had felt all those years ago came rushing back. “I want more of this” I thought. And a small voice answered back “then make it happen”.

Don’t get me wrong, I had thought about doing a big trip multiple times before this. When days were especially stressful or frustrating at work I would joke about just quitting to go travel. But it always felt like when a kid talks about joining the circus when Mom or Dad won’t let them do something. Or maybe not. That may be a reference that dates me. You get the idea. However, after the Galapagos trip I started to think about this future plan seriously. What did I need to do to make it happen? When would be the right time? The answer to those questions are: “a lot” and “never”, respectively. I’ll get into the “a lot” another time. Let’s talk about the “never”.

It will never feel like the right time to quit everything you have come to know to do something completely different. Whether that is to go back to school, start your own business, or just bounce around the world for a year. There will always be an excuse or a reason not to. Many completely valid: like kids, debt, etc. But, for me there weren’t any valid reasons, only excuses. And fear. Lots of fear. Which seems so silly since I have literally done this before when I went to Asia for 6 months. But, I was younger then, I didn’t have a career then. Could I really give this stability and position all up in pursuit of more moments like the one I had on the boat? Ummm, yes.

So, after more than a year delaying I took the plunge and submitted notice. The last few days at work were some of the most exhilarating and heartbreaking. I was so excited for this next chapter to start, but equally as sad for the last chapter to end. What can I say, I am a woman divided. Even up to stepping on the first flight out of Arizona I was wondering if I had made the right decision. Logically I know I won’t regret doing this, getting to see as much of this world as possible. But emotionally, I still feel that note of fear that comes with venturing out on your own.

However, as the universe has done multiple times over the last year as I have questioned whether or not to follow through with this plan, it sent me a nice little reminder. I had brought a leftover fortune cookie with me as a snack during transit. And as I settled into my hotel last night, munching on the little treat, this is the message I received, “Nothing in life is to be feared; it is only to be understood”. Touché, universe, touché.

Welp, I’ve blathered on long enough. If you have followed this stream of consciousness post to the end, thank you and well done. This was less like a travel blog and more like a live journal post, but I wanted to share some of the mental and emotional journey I’ve taken to get here. So cheers to understanding the world, but more importantly one’s self.